Ever so soon

I really don't know what to write in this here blog. You'd think my life is getting boring or something! That is vastly untrue -- I just have little to no idea of how to put into writing what is going on. That and with the recent addition of a laptop I am now able to actually work at normal hours, but also increase what I'm able to do. I don't need to sneak in five minutes of computer time here and there throughout the day and then do a giant computer binge every evening. Now the binge lasts all day long!

In and hour and twenty minutes I'm heading out to the airport to pick up Daniel. I can hardly contain myself, I'm so exicted. I'd write for the next forty years about that, but... this is all you get. You'll probably be reading much, MUCH more about adventures with Daniel on the coming days anyway. I have the feeling that some seriously amazing/funny things will be happening...

I'd like everyone to know that I am comfortable with myself. I am a lot more comfortable with myself then I was even a month ago. God has really been doing a number on me concerning what it's like to simply be me. He has been meeting me in places where I have been afraid to go... and now that I've found that I went... the peace, the fulfillment, the excitement is massive. There is nothing like being who you are.

When I was in the Toronto area this last time this really hit me. I was sitting with Dennis Wiedrick on his portch and we were having a really great coversation. We were talking about ministry stuff and identity stuff and the whole gambit. Dennis said something to me that really rocked me in such a good way. We were talking about people who are consumed with "ministry", people who have their identity in ministry and in the constant whirlwind. I've always been one to shy away from that because I have seen hundreds of ministries all around the world and been involved in many of them and let's just say that I've learned a lot.

Still, identity -- where do we get it, where do we operate from? Do we operate from the identity of ministry or the identity of who we are in Christ? For example, I am a son. My identity is being a son. I am a son of my Father, God. This is where I derive my worth, my value, who I am, my identity. If everything gets taken away, I am still a son and nothing can shake that. I'll never loose my sense of value and well being because a son is something that I can't just step out of. It's blood and it's in there forever.

The scary thing is when you put ministry in that place. The more ministry you do the better you feel about yourself, the more self worth you have, the greater value and purpose you feel your life has. Take ministry away and what do you have left? Nothing. We can't find our identity and be totally consumed by ministry. It is so dangerous... simply because it is so close to the goal, yet terribly far away.

Anyway, all that to say that I am rather thrilled that I am a son. I am rather thrilled that now the highest seat of spiritual warfare is rest, for resting in the midst of the storm truly takes faith and expresses faith which says, "I know God is in control." Seems to me that Jesus modelled that for us once.

I'm so glad that He has already won the battle. I'm so glad I live in an open heaven and don't have to fight everyday for it, but simply have to learn how to appropriate it here in planet earth. Pastor Bill Johnson told us that he believes 98% of the closed heavens exist only between people's ears. What would happen if we changed our mindset and attitude to truly believe we really are in an open heaven and set out to do that which we could knowing it were true?

So much striving would cease. I pray it does in my heart.

Anyway....

There's some verbal rambling for you all.